The Option of Transparency

In a society where everyone likes to be private, and where people build walls so they won't get hurt, I want to bring to the table the option of being transparent.

Transparency means:

1 :  something transparent; especially :  a picture (as on film) viewed by light shining through it or by projection

     2

 :  the quality or state of being transparent

What does that mean in day to day life? What does that mean in relationships? 

I will tell you what it means for me on a day to day basis. 

For me it means to be open in ways that are highest and best good for all. 

When a cashier asks me how is my day is, it is not in the highest and best good for that cashier to let them know that my car broke down and I got fired etc.. (thankfully that has never happened to me!!!)

It is in the highest and best good of the cashier to know that though my day hasn't been the easiest, I know that I have people who support and love me, and that I know I am strong enough to handle it, even when the going gets tough.

It is my desire and wish to be absolutely transparent with my partner, my mate, because I promised him I would never "play fox" be secretive, hold back. When he get's me, he gets all of me. Sometimes this is awesome, sometimes it can be a difficult thing to be honest like this. I have caught myself before holding back, and then I have to pause, go back and say; this is the whole story.

Growing up, I constantly had to "play fox".. If I told my parents the whole story whether good or bad, I would most likely get in trouble. Growing up, my parents did not encourage telling the truth. This is not to say they encouraged me to lie.. but when I would tell them the truth, and it wasn't what they wanted to hear, then I would still get in trouble. It was easiest therefore to hold back some part of the truth and give them what they wanted to hear instead, thus a life long cultivation of holding back.

I know I am not alone in this, and training myself to be transparent has been one of the hardest and most rewarding things I have done, and continue to do. I can truly be myself, clear with my intention, and love it just because I AM the way I AM.

I was recently invited to a woman's group which didn't turn out to be the right fit for me at the time. The woman's group wanted to have absolute confidentiality, you couldn't talk about what went on, situations, or ANYTHING.. This also goes for a men's groups I have heard about. They can't talk about anything to anyone.. including their spouse's even if their spouse's comes up. This to me does not build, to me it divides.. 

I can understand not gossiping, I can understand not using names, I can even understand confidentiality. But what I cannot understand is keeping information that might build and grow each other a "secret". This does not encourage bringing together, this does not encourage being open, and transparent because then you have someone who can't tell you because their group said so.. reminds me of high school and cliques, not something I want to repeat.  

I believe, that the most growth happens when we shift and change and are transparent in a way that is highest and best good for all. 

I am not transparent in a way that would hurt others. I always gauge it by what is highest and best good for all. If it causes harm, I don't do it. I hope others can be encouraged to be as transparent otherwise, how can we see and be seen truly? Instead, let us be one and join together to bring about clear, clean intent, love, peace, and wholesome oneness. 

The first lie..

The first lie... is that you're going to need far more talent than you were born with.

The second lie is that the people who are leading in the new connection economy got there because they have something you don't.

The third lie is that you have to be chosen.

The fourth lie is that we're not afraid.

We're afraid.

Afraid to lead, to make a ruckus, to convene. Afraid to be vulnerable, to be called out, to be seen as a fraud.

The connection economy isn't based on steel or rails or buildings. It's built on trust and hope and passion.

The future belongs to those that care and those that believe.
~Repost from Seth Godin's Blog

A word or two on open relationships..

I was chatting with a friend the other day on being in an open relationship. "That must be so great" she said, "you can do anyone you want with no worry!"

The conversation then steered into different territory, and upon returning home, I remembered what she said and laughed.. The perceptions of people when they view someone who is in an open relationship are highly amusing, because I am here to tell you my friends, being in an open relationship, has been and continues to be one of the must hard and growth changing things that I have ever done. This isn't to say it doesn't have it beauty spots, but I will get to that.

Being in an open relationship challenges you in every way. Jealousy issues, possessive issues, abandonment, needy, clingy, you name it. It will bring up uncomfortable feelings, not knowing where you fit, does he still love me, do I still have worth in their life. Feelings of should I be here, what was I thinking, this hurts to much to work. It will have you sitting out in your car wondering if you should go in, waking up alone in bed while they are in another room, staring off into space while they are in bed chatting. 

It will make you get out of your comfort zone, it will force you to value yourself and realize your self worth. It will make you, instead of feeling mopey and insecure, go see a movie by yourself. Going out with friends, chatting, and being awesome instead of sitting there in stagnation, wondering what they are talking about. It will make you value your time with your loved one all the more. I will say that setting a certain time aside to spend with your partner is most important, if you don't connect in sacred space it will eventually fall apart. We put time and effort into where we want to be.

It will open your heart, it will be the best thing that has ever happened to you. It will allow you to be your true self no matter who is around, it will be supportive in ways you wouldn't expect. It allows freedom and requires dedication, and clear communication. It will push you to new adventures, and push you be where you are unsure of the outcome. It has you feeling out of control, and loving life. It will allow the unknowable to be grasped and the love to be felt.

Let me give you some perspective. When I see my man, in the arms of another woman who loves him, and he loves her, it is the warmest and best feeling I have ever felt. When I come home from being in the arms of another, I can tell my man everything that happened and he will want to hear. He will then love me even more by massaging my feet and hands, telling me he loves me. He will assure me against any insecurities that I might have before I voice them. 

Open relationship isn't for everyone. AND I am not saying monogamy has the easy road.. I am saying that to really grow and change, be in a relationship that helps you do that. The BEST relationships will challenge the very essence of who you are. They will make you angry, they will make you cry with tears of joy and sorrow. That person will be there for you when your heart breaks, and when it floods with love for everyone. I love my partner with all of my heart, and he loves me with all of his. Why not share that with others? Being in an open relationship has changed my life.. and I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's not just sex..

When a person makes love with their soulmate.. it's not just sex..

It is the bringing together of two souls in oneness.

It is the passionate joining of the cosmos.

It is the fiery explosion of DNA mingling into being of who we are.

It is the joyful gasp of mind blowing energy that shoots through your spine.

It is the lightning of the ages, shooting across your brain space in zig zags of euphoria.

It is the crystalline knowing, that this human being, this soul that is you and is not you, has fully melded into the fire that is union.. The forging of devotion, of love, of magic. 

When you make love, it is the Micro and the Macro. 

Everything and nothing, all and none. 

When I make love with you.. I feel all these thing in that moment of exultation and joy.. in that moment of completion, my world is complete.